4/6/10 - Food

Right this minute, as I write, I am full to bursting. I'm going to try explaining why, but I already know that my explanation is ridiculous.

In the refrigerator was a container with leftover casserole from Sunday. I decided that there was not enough for two more meals, even though I knew that what was left was too much for one meal. However, I heated it all up for tonight's supper. Half way through eating it, if I had been honest with myself, I could have easily stopped as I was quite satisfied. I could have saved the rest for another meal - or I could have thrown out the remainder. Oh, but it tasted so good. So I finished it up, scraping the last bits from the bowl. I also ate all the leftover green beans - again enough for two meals - leaving a few bits on the sides of the bowl. Then I had a Weight Watcher strawberry ice cream bar because I needed something sweet, followed by a piece of sugar-free dark chocolate at 40 calories.

My stomach is bloated with the excess amount of food. However, I don't have to return any more leftovers to the refrigerator and I did not waste food by throwing it away. Now, truly, isn't my thinking ridiculous?

Why can't I stop when I am satisfied or full? Are the starving children going to benefit from me finishing up the leftovers? Do I win a prize from the Clean Plate Club?

I was feeling so good this morning. My "fat" jeans fit a little easier when I got dressed. Lately I have been worried that I was growing out of them. Today, however, fresh from the laundry, the buttoning and zipping was a breeze. Such a nice feeling.

So I had a sensible breakfast of my usual toast and .....ta da......almond butter (instead of the usual peanut butter) (same amount of calories) and a half cup portion of applesauce.

I work on Tuesdays at my church and pack a lunch. I brought one deviled egg, some veggie sticks, and an orange. I spread this modest lunch over two hours, taking little bites now and then as I worked.

When I got home I wanted to read and at my age, reading leads directly to falling asleep. The book I am presently reading is for book club which meets this coming Friday and I really need to get the book read. Falling asleep would not do. The only way to read and not fall asleep is to eat while I read. And the only thing I could think of to eat without adding calories galore was those little snacking carrots. They are OK if heavily dipped in Ranch dressing, but I knew I mustn't do that, so I spritzed them with one of the spritzer dressings. Potato chips would have been much better, but the little carrots did keep me awake.

So a normal (to me) breakfast, a light lunch, and then an out-of-control supper. This is exactly what I used to do when I was on a diet (Weight Watchers, Diet Center, etc.) I would eat very lightly during the day so that I could splurge at night. I'm sure there is a deep psychological reason for this behavior, but I'm too lazy to dig into it today.

No food pictures to show you. It was just another day in the struggle to control my eating.