Sunday, November 28, 2010


The last few days have been a struggle for me to keep from overeating.  I think I am in that mind-set of "oh well, it is the holiday season, enjoy yourself".  That is one voice in my head and then there is the other voice begging me to restrain myself so that I can fit into all those clothes that still await my losing more pounds and inches.

At lunch today, I did not order a baked potato like I wanted to,  but instead settled for the rice that came with the meal and the broccoli - AND - I did not finish my meal, but chose to take half of it home.  That was a struggle because I could have easily eaten the whole plate full of food.  I practically had to sit on my hands to refrain from eating it all in one fell swoop.  I was full though and I was determined to listen to that full feeling.

Tonight I wanted popcorn - the regular kind that you make on the stove and smother with butter and salt.  I convinced myself that I really did not want to clean up the heavy pot and the big bowl and therefore talked myself into having a 100-calorie bag of microwave popcorn.  Just not the same.  Again, it was a struggle.

When will it be easy to make these hard decisions?  When will I not even think about it?  When will food be just fuel and not the high point of my day?

Friday, November 26, 2010

Eating when you are anxious or tired

There are all kinds of excuses that overweight people give for overeating.  I know because I fit the category.  But..............

On Thanksgiving my sister ended up in the Emergency room of a hospital two hours away from their home.  It made me anxious.  I had my turkey dinner before going to the hospital to relieve my grandniece who went to be the family advocate.  Because I was anxious and worried I hardly remember anything that I ate.  Yes, it was good, but I did not consciously eat it and savor it as I should.  Instead, I just gobbled down the turkey (pun intended) and rushed out the door. This kind of eating leads to overeating and I fear I did overeat as the day progressed.

Today I did a lot of driving (long story I won't go into) and although I enjoyed the company and enjoyed my day, I was extremely tired.  Again I ate mindlessly, shoveling food into my mouth.

Anxious and tired leads to mindless eating which leads to overeating.  That sums up the last two days for me.

Tomorrow I will be home all day with absolutely no obligations.  Tomorrow I will begin again to eat with my brain engaged.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Every time I go to the grocery store I pick up some frozen vegetables.  I like the mixtures and look for ones with either broccoli or corn or zucchini or red peppers or onions.  

Lately I have not prepared any vegetables except fresh produce - lettuce and broccoli.  Yet I have continued to purchase frozen veggies.  

Today I couldn't decided what to have for supper and looked in the freezer.  Oh dear - there are enough packages of frozen vegetables to last until Spring.

So what did I have for supper?  Cereal.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Busy Days

The last two days have been  busy which means that my eating was kind of messed up.

Monday morning I made soup for some friends that were coming for supper. I had never made this soup before, so I kept tasting it as it simmered.  When lunch time came, I wasn't hungry because I had had too many tastes!  Instead of a normal lunch, I snacked on celery stuffed with peanut butter and some leftover popcorn.

We had the soup for supper and it was very good.  Then we went to another friend's house and ended the evening with pie a la mode - however - both the pie and the ice cream were "no sugar added".

Today I worked at church and came home very tired.  I snacked again on leftover popcorn and when it was time for supper I, once again, was not terribly hungry.  I fixed a small salad.  Before you start to congratulate me on my restraint I must add that in spite of being quite full and satisfied, I managed to find room in my mind, heart and stomach for one oatmeal cookie.

Oatmeal is good for you, right?  

Sunday, November 21, 2010

No to Dessert - Yes to popcorn

Today was the Hanging of the Greens at church and a potluck dinner.  Oh how I love potluck dinners at church.  There is so much good food to try - an abundance of delicious tastes.  

When you get in line at the serving table, you cannot see to the opposite end and therefore do not know what is ahead.  I wanted to save room on my plate for tasting as many dishes as I could, so I only put one small spoonful of the dishes that looked good to me.  I was therefore surprised (and disappointed) when I got to the end of the table and didn't have that much on my plate.  

Then there is the dessert table.  It was laden with chocolate cakes, brownies, pies, and cookies.  As the people around me went to the dessert table and returned with two or three yummy looking items, I thought to myself, "You really, really do not need any desserts."  So I sat at my place and did not move.  I wanted a dessert (or two), but made a bargain with myself that if I skipped the dessert I could have popcorn (with butter) for supper.  Such a deal.

I'm glad I made that bargain because the popcorn tasted wonderful.  If I have to make a choice, popcorn (or peanut butter) will always win.  

Saturday, November 20, 2010


YES - I walked on the treadmill today.  Not for long,  but at least I know it works and is available and ready for me to use.

It was a busy day for me and I got in more steps than usual just because I was running around, in and out of stores, up and down my stairs, and back and forth in my home getting things done.  I'm worn out, but feeling proud that I was energetic all day long.

This morning I had a good breakfast (7:00am) and when I was finished I was very full.  I decided that since I was so full, I would not have lunch, but instead have an early dinner thus having only two meals for the day.  Less calories. That was the plan.

Guess what happened.  At noon my tummy was screaming, "feed me".  The big breakfast did not last as long as I had hoped it would.  I gave in and had a light lunch - one slice of cheese pizza.  

Tonight there was nothing on TV that I wanted to watch so I chose the Food Channel where they were broadcasting a series of Thanksgiving meal shows.  Oh my, the food looked so good I was drooling.  I finally decided that I better change channels, so now I'm watching QVC and drooling over Dooney & Bourke handbags.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Even though I have only lost a small amount of weight (in the scheme of what I need to lose), it has helped my self-confidence.  I noticed it the other day when pictures were being taken of me and two of my cousins.  I usually try to hide behind someone, pull my chin up, and plaster a grimace on my face - all very unnatural.  This time I stood up straight, smiled with my whole being (I was enjoying the visit immensely), and the picture came out pretty good.

Every time I look at a picture of myself I see this enormous ugly old woman.  This time she was gone.  In her place was a pleasant looking woman who seemed genuinely happy.  I call this progress.  I really like being confident.

I don't think I have lost any weight lately and might have even gained some weight.  Why?  I have had some cookies and some extra helpings of popcorn.  Why?  Because it was there and it tasted good.  I'm still doing fairly well on stopping eating when I am full - at meals.  It is the snacking that needs to be addressed.

Today my treadmill got fixed, so no more excuses in that department.  I went downstairs to try it out and instead got engrossed in a sewing project.  When I finished the project, I headed to the treadmill to give myself some walking time and the phone rang.  The call lasted almost an hour and then it was time to head upstairs for my bedtime routine.

Tomorrow - I promise.  Really.  I mean it.  Absolutely.  

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


Exercise and walking are not activities I choose to do on any regular basis.  I enjoy the results and I enjoy how good I feel afterwards, so why don't I get up off my chair and move more?

Today I had some cousins visiting and I suggested we walk uptown for lunch.  It was an easy walk, the weather was cool but pleasant, and it was enjoyable looking at the houses along the way.  Of course I had company and good conversation to occupy my mind.

So why don't I walk uptown more often?  It feels good, I enjoy it, and it is good for me.   What is the problem?  

Could I have agoraphobia?  I thoroughly enjoy walking when I am with someone, but going outside to walk when I am by myself brings out all the ridiculous excuses I can possibly invent:

1.  Too hot.
2.  Too cold.
3.  Too sunny.
4.  I might be far from home and have to use the facilities.
5.  I might fall or twist my leg and not be able to get home.
6.  It might start to rain.
7.  I might not be dressed warmly enough, or lightly enough, depending on the time of year.
8.  If I decided to walk to the grocery, I would have to carry the bags home or use a cart and I don't want to drag anything with me.
9.  If I decided to walk to have lunch, I would have to bring a book or my Kindle along and then I would worry that the restaurants would be crowded and there would be no table for me and I would have to take the meal home and so I might as well eat at home.
10. I need to stay home and spend my time thinking up excuses.

See - it all makes perfect sense.  

(OK, I will try to fit in a short walk tomorrow and leave the excuses at home.)


Tonight I finished knitting the scarf to go with my very first knitted sweater.  Now I have a complete ensemble for a very cold day.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

When I DON'T think about food.......

Yesterday I listed my food triggers.  Today I am going to list the times when I definitely do not think about food or eating.

1.  When I am sleeping.
2.  When I am in the shower.
3.  When I am doing creative writing.
4.  When I am creating Artist's Trading Cards.
5.  When I am in church on Sunday.
6.  When I am shopping for clothes.
7.  When I am enjoying a concert or play or musical.
8.  When I am playing the piano.
9.  When I am reading my favorite blogs.
10.  When I am working on a jigsaw puzzle - after I had a bowl of popcorn to get me started.

On Tuesdays I do my volunteer job at church.  I bring my lunch.  I noticed today that when things were going along well without any problems, I had no idea what time it was and I was not hungry.  But as soon as I encountered a problem that required me to do some figuring out, I then glanced at the clock, saw that it was after 12:30pm, and decided I was very hungry and had to take a bite of my sandwich.  Had things gone smoothly I might have lasted much longer before being aware of hunger.  Interesting.

Borders on

My blue and white nine-patch quilt top is finished.  The next step is making the backing and binding - and deciding whether to quilt it myself or send it out.  (mmmmmm - me thinking - mmmmmmm)  Who am I kidding?  It will get sent out!

(Too bad the navy blue border does not photograph well - it goes so nicely with the quilt.)

Monday, November 15, 2010

What triggers thoughts of food?

Things that trigger thoughts of food/eating for me:

1.  TV ads - for crackers, or restaurants, or cookies, or grocery stores, etc.
2.  Watching the Food Channel
3.  Remembering things from childhood - Saturday baked beans, Sunday pot roast, my mother's homemade rolls, my step-mother's meatloaf.
4.  Church potluck dinners.
5.  Deciding to go to the movies (popcorn).
6.  Passing a Starbucks (Java chip)
7.  Driving home from my hairdressers as I pass Yen Yens, Panera, Portillos, Jimmy Johns, another Panera, McDonalds, Starbucks, California Pizza Kitchen, and the third Panera.
8.  When I get up, when it is noon, when it is approaching 5:00pm.
9.  When I smell garlic.
10.  Thanksgiving (I love turkey and mashed potatoes and stuffing and gravy and sweet potatoes and creamed corn and cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie and snacking all day long on crackers and cheese.)

This was a fairly easy list to make.  Tomorrow I am going to concentrate on times when I do NOT think about food/eating.  I wonder if I can come up with 10 things as easily.

Slow, slow progress

Yes, I am making very slow progress on the projects posted recently on this blog.  Today I had a chance to work on the borders for the blue & white nine-patch and hope to get them finished tomorrow.

My sewing time was made easier by the addition of a new bendable light given to me by my cousin.  Every time I threaded my needle today I hit my target the first time - and I'm sure it was because of the good light spotlighting the needle and presser foot.

While watching TV tonight I also worked a little on this Halloween stitchery.  This is a particularly slow project because the 32 count fabric is a real challenge for me to see.  I can only do a little at a time before everything starts to get blurry.  However, I so enjoy stitching, even though it goes so slowly.

Today I am grateful for -
1.  Visiting with friends.
2.  My new bendable light.
3.  Enjoying Dancing With The Stars.
4.  The Down comforter I recently purchased.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Good Choices

Today I made a few good choices:

1.  At Sunday School I did not have a donut.
2.  At the coffee hour after church I did not have cake.
3.  At lunch I did not have a baked potato, but chose broccoli instead.

Questionable choice:  At the grocery store there was a new product - fudge covered Ritz crackers.  I bought a box and had three.   

Another good choice - not having the fourth and fifth of the above.

It is important to emphasize the good choices I make.  If I am proud of the good choices, then perhaps it will encourage me to make more good choices.  

Sometimes the choices are made for me.  I was munching on some of the leftover popcorn from yesterday when the bag fell off the table and the popcorn spilled all over the floor.  No five-second rule here - my floor was dirty and the popcorn got thrown out.  Sigh.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


It was rainy and grey outside today.  I stayed in my PJs most of the morning, but had to get dressed to attend a memorial service at church.  As I drove home after the service, I became very nostalgic remembering grey November Saturday afternoons when I was a little girl.

We (the whole family) cleaned the house on Saturday mornings and did the laundry - the old fashioned way with a ringer washer and two rinse tubs, then hang the clothes on clothes lines either indoors or outdoors depending on the weather.  In the afternoon we did the weekly grocery shopping and errands.  Mom soaked beans on Friday night and cooked the beans all day on Saturday, known in our family as Boston Baked Beans.  When we got home on Saturday afternoon the house was filled with the aroma of baking beans.

Every Saturday night we had Boston Baked Beans, brown bread (the kind made in a can), and Waldorf salad.  It was my favorite meal.

As I drove home today I thought of those warm and cozy Saturdays with the family gathered around the dining room table.  I know I cannot duplicate those meals, but it is lovely to remember them.

I did want something comforting to eat.  I wanted to put on comfortable clothes, relax in my favorite chair, read a book, and munch on good old pop corn made on the stove.  So instead of supper tonight, I had popcorn.  Lots of popcorn.  Popcorn with butter and salt.  It was delicious.  Of course I made way too much, so I have a nice Ziploc bag of leftover popcorn to enjoy tomorrow.

Food is supposed to be "fuel", but so many times food is a comfort for me.  It reminds me of good times.  Popcorn was our Sunday night supper quite often.  Sunday dinner was pot roast or baked chicken served on the Haviland china.  A favorite meal on a hot summer day was strawberry shortcake made with biscuit dough, fresh strawberries juicy with sugar, and real whipped cream.

The favorite meal that I make is..................can you guess?..................toast with peanut butter, coffee, and grapes!!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Friday Feelings

My hairdresser is very attractive.  She is slender (in spite of having two children), has a cute figure, and dresses nicely.  I really like her and thoroughly enjoy my time with her.  She is a great conversationalist and always has a good story to tell.  

She also has a big mirror that I face as she works on my hair.  I see myself and cringe at the fat image in that mirror compared to her adorable image.  However, since I have lost a little weight, my face is not as chubby and today I didn't mind my image.  I can't say that I was thrilled, but I was much more accepting of what I was seeing.  Progress.

Have you ever had Quinoa?  I caught a segment of Giada De Laurentiis' show on the Food Channel and she was making Quinoa as a side dish.  She added some fresh herbs and it looked pretty good.  She said that Quinoa is not a pasta or a rice, but rather in the nut family.  Hmmmm.  Sounded good.  So I bought a box at Trader Joes and prepared some last night.  The recipe on the box calls for one cup, but I knew that would be too much for me, so I prepared 1/2 cup.  Even that was enough for three portions.  I didn't have any fresh herbs, but I did have some frozen "Seasoning Blend" (onions and green peppers) which I added for flavor along with some butter and salt.  It was OK as a side dish.

Tonight I heated up the leftover Quinoa but it lacked something.  So I added peanut butter.  Well, that was not so great of an idea.  It got thrown out.  In retrospect, I should have added a vegetable.  Or perhaps a little lemon zest, or maybe some beef broth.  

So my supper tonight ended up being a small dish of leftover sweet potato and a very small portion of Quinoa.  Not a very nourishing supper.  Thank goodness I had a nice green salad for lunch - full of broccoli, tomatoes, celery, and some chunks of turkey breast.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'm back...........

After taking a small vacation from this blog, it is time to return and perhaps rethink how I will use this space.

Today I caught a few minutes of the Rachel Ray show and the segment where a doctor was discussing obesity with a young woman.  This young woman went through gastric bi-pass surgery and after losing a lot of weight was now re-gaining that weight.  The doctor did not discuss food, or counting calories, or cutting back on fat, or exercising.  Instead, he asked the young woman to think about two things:

1.  What would you do if you were at your ideal weight that you don't do now.
2.  If you give up food as your source of comfort, what can you do to replace that comfort in your life.

One of the things she said in answer to the first question was that she would like to be in pictures with her nieces and nephews.  Oh my, do I understand that.  I just hate when people bring out cameras and want me in the picture. I hate pictures of myself.  It would be wonderful if I felt better about myself, was thinner, and enjoyed seeing pictures of me.

The second question really got me thinking.  I do love food.  I do use it as comfort.  What in my life is such a distraction that I forget about food for a while?  I thought of two things right off the bat - writing and creating.  

Writing has been an on-and-off thing with me.  Once I get started I get lost in the process and thoroughly love putting my thoughts or imagination down on paper.  It is the getting started, or finding time that prevents me from doing more writing.  Poor excuse, I know.

The creating is something new that I have recently enjoyed.  Although I have been a crafter for years (quilting, knitting, stitching), I always followed a pattern and never felt like I was actually doing the creating.  However, I am now in an Artist's Trading Card group and we are given a theme each month and have to create a 2-1/2" X 3-1/2" card with our interpretation of that theme.  It takes hours of my time and I never think about food during those hours.

All this to say that I am going to try using this blog to write about my thoughts on food.  I might sometimes list what I eat, or I may just talk about why I chose certain foods, how I felt while eating, how I managed some control, and how writing is helping me.

Potato chips.  Today at lunch I had a salad.  I decided to have some crackers and humus with the salad, but as I was eating one of the crackers I realized that I wasn't really enjoying the cracker.  So why was I eating it?  I really wanted a potato chip, but potato chips don't normally accompany a salad.  Crackers or bread seem to be acceptable accompaniments to salads, not potato chips.  No one was looking, so I put the crackers away and got out the bag of potato chips.  I had three or four chips, thoroughly enjoyed crunching on them, and was then satisfied.  I put the bag away, finished my salad, and lunch was done.  I could have eaten a whole pile of crackers in order to have my taste buds and crunch need satisfied, but instead I chose potato chips and only ate a few.  I think I made the right choice.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

11/3/10 - Food

Breakfast - Toast with peanut butter, grapes

Lunch - salad with broccoli, cauliflower and grape tomatoes.  A few crackers and some humus.  Jello dark chocolate mousse.

Supper - some cooked veggies, popcorn, yogurt.

Steps - 4,210

Today I saw one of my doctors and I told her about my quest to learn how to stop eating when I am full.  She approved of my quest and told me that her son is slender and always stops eating when he is full - even if there is just one piece of food left on his plate.  He just can't eat another bite if he is full.  However, her husband, who has a weight problem, eats everything on his plate and has no awareness of when he is full and/or he ignores that full feeling.  For many of us with a weight problem, learning to stop eating when we are full is something we have to learn - it does not come naturally.  

I'm taking a few days off from posting to this blog.  See you next Tuesday.  

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

11/02/10 - Food

Breakfast - toast with peanut butter, grapes

Lunch - applesauce, sandwich

Snack - popcorn

Supper - soup, Skinny Cow ice cream

Steps - 3,831

Monday, November 1, 2010

11/01/10 - Food

Breakfast - toast and an egg, grapes

Lunch - bowl of soup, crackers, a few potato chips, 1/2 Skinny Cow ice cream.

Supper - salad with broccoli, cauliflower & grape tomatoes, last two leftover pieces of pizza from Friday, vanilla yogurt.

Steps - 5,215